Halloween in the olden days used to be a piece of piss. Buy lots of sugary things, wait for neighbourhood or family children to rock up at your door and hand over aforementioned sugary things. The only challenging thing I can remember about Halloween when I lived at home was trying to work out which fancy-dressed trick or treater was actually my aunt, given she isn’t particularly tall! Hi Anne!

These days it’s a minefield.

1. First up, living in your own house ramps the pressure up significantly. How much stuff do you buy? Will anyone actually turn up? Where do you park your cars to stop some dick head teenager throwing things at them?!

2. Is it still the done thing to give out sugary shit? Would I want my own little one to collect a bucket full of sugar to devour to the point where’s he’s literally climbing the walls?! What is the socially responsible thing to give out?

a) Fruit? Healthy but might make you look like a dick! And not grapes as they might choke.

b) Sweets? You look cooler to the children but possibly not so much to the parents!

c) Chocolate? As above but more expensive!

d) Cold hard cash?! Easy, good for all parties, but a teeny tiny bit like begging!

3. If dressed up teenagers come to your door what do you do with them? Surely you don’t give them sweets? Do you just tell them to piss off and hang out in the park with White Lightening like normal teenagers?!

4. Am I too grown up to just turn the lights off and pretend we’re not home if someone comes knocking? And if we do that will someone spread excrement on our windows?

5. if some bellend dressed as a clown jumps out at you in the street do you run away, laugh, call the Police or attack them with a stick / pepper spray / machete?

6. Do you need to give allergy warnings when you hand out sweets now?! ‘I know you’re a scary monster but this sweet does contain traces of nuts so please be careful’

7. Do we take our toddler out trick or treating? If so do we just go to our family’s houses, even though they’re spread far and wide?


I think we’re going for the safe, enjoyable option. Buy excessive sweets just in case, watch the X Factor with the lights off, hope no one comes knocking and then eat all the sweets on Tuesday.

Happy Halloween…


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37 thoughts on “Horrifying Halloween Dilemmas

  • 29th October 2016 at 9:10 pm

    Funny stuff! Yeah, I just stick with the traditional mini candy bars (except Baby Ruths, Mounds or Almond Joys, because then those little bastards might egg my house). The parents will just have to deal with the sugar high! #FridayFrolics

  • 30th October 2016 at 12:14 am

    Ahaha ha very valid points! We were out tonight and I was quite upset realising I couldn’t dress ben up in the hope of kids knocking and answering with a scary baby at the door!

  • 30th October 2016 at 3:48 am

    I know people that do turn the lights off! My dilemma is giving to teens not dressed up – even a mask would do!!

  • 30th October 2016 at 9:21 am

    Hahaha, yes we are following the same course of action. Although Mr C has debated buying a clown mask and when the doorbell rings just switching the hall light on and off so you just see a clown face appearing. Not sure the parents of little ones would appreciate that though! #FridayFrolics
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  • 30th October 2016 at 9:49 am

    We are giving out sweets, easy option. I will be taking the kids out trick or treating, but only to people we know. Give the teenagers the fruit lol.

  • 30th October 2016 at 12:40 pm

    Number 4! Hide with the lights off! We have done it for years. It seemed to be less invasive when we were little nowadays it seems like begging! xx

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS.
    Hope you come back again next Sunday.
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  • 30th October 2016 at 9:57 pm

    Haha, so stressful nowadays! I’m in a block of flats and we seem to never get anyone ringing so I’ve pretty much given up getting in treats (or just eat them all myself). Hoping when my little one gets older though we will go out trick or treating, I used to love it as a kid! #KCACOLS

    • 2nd November 2016 at 8:04 am

      We had no one in the end so have a lot of sweets to munch through!!

  • 31st October 2016 at 11:07 am

    Haha great post! We’ll be removing the pumpkin from the front door, keeping the lights out and praying nobody knocks. My little girl bumped into a man dressed up as a vampire yesterday and was terrified so don’t think she’d enjoy them turning up at the doorstep. Just hoping the doorbell doesn’t ring once she’s in bed or we might have to go chasing them off the drive for waking her up! Maybe next year I’ll feel more festive. x #KCACOLS

  • 31st October 2016 at 9:40 pm

    This made me chuckle – esp then it about teenagers drinking White Lightening in a field…totally not what I did! ?
    We had a toddler Halloween party on Saturday which was fun. I left the decorations up in the window and got sweets in for the Trick or Treaters. Can wait to take Little L next year (he’ll be three) #KCACOLS

  • 1st November 2016 at 6:02 pm

    My husband hid at the gym last night – I was at my Mum’s house which luckily in the middle of nowhere and so unassailed by aggressively dressed teenagers or sugar fulled psycho toddlers #teamwinning Thanks for linking up to #chucklemums

  • 1st November 2016 at 8:18 pm

    When did halloween become so big?! We were never allowed to trick or treat as children but the entire child population of my village was out last night. Has to be sweets. Revenge on the parents for sending the kids round. #kcacols

  • 1st November 2016 at 9:29 pm

    Yes, the clown topic is very dubious! I bet the costumes were priced slightly out of the market to put people off. I love 1st November because all the Halloween themed cakes / sweets / chocolate are half price. Gobble gobble. Thanks for linking to #Chucklemums!

  • 2nd November 2016 at 4:16 pm

    For some reason our entire estate goes nuts for Halloween. The houses in the epicenter (if you will) literally don’t even shut their doors, they just hand out sweets in order to the hoards of zombies and witches. (I’m not even exagerating). This year I also noted a developing trend of people leaving out a bowl of sweets on the doorstep for people to help themselves. This works for me! A colleague of mine went to whole new levels though and handed out chocolate covered sprouts on cocktail sticks (stuck into a pumpkin to serve no less). #chucklemums 🙂

  • 2nd November 2016 at 9:41 pm

    Haha. I just give the usual sugary shit, that’s all my kids got on Monday when they went Trick or Treating. I don’t think anyone would expect any different x #KCACOLS

  • 3rd November 2016 at 12:13 pm

    Haha Hallloween is full of these issues isn’t it! I bought loads of sweets and then happily ate them all as we had no trick or treaters, that certainly too the pressure off! #KCACOLS

  • 3rd November 2016 at 8:21 pm

    We usually go out or turn the lights off and leave a basket of sweets by the front door, no one wants fruit! #KCACOLS

  • 4th November 2016 at 3:28 am

    The last 4 years we didn’t have a single trick or treater. This year I bought no treats and what did I get. 2 little monsters at my door. I scrambled through the kids snacks to find something. It is impossible to prepare for. #KCACOLS

  • 4th November 2016 at 8:46 pm

    Haha! I was so excited to hand out sweets and chocolate this year actually being in my own home. I’ve always lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere so my family had never experienced being on the giving end of the sugar fest! Unfortunately we were out at the OH’s mothers birthday party so missed all of trick or treaters so ended up eating everything ourselves!! #KCACOLS

  • 5th November 2016 at 9:11 am

    1) None, no, in the driveway
    2) Yes. Sweets all the way. Don’t be a dick.
    3) Tell them to sod off and buy their own sweets.
    4) No, perfectly acceptable at any age.
    5) Kill them.
    6) No. Who the hell sends their deadly allergic kid out to beg foodstuffs off people? Take some responsibility for your own kids.
    7) No. Put them to bed early and have a beer.

    I hope that settles it for you. #chucklemums
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